One principle from Dale Carnegie -- appreciation
Dale Carnegie's book is the first book I read about how to live with each other, and the only book I remembers. Actually, I only remember one word from the book -- appreciation. It is so true and it appears every problem of relationship boils down to appreciation -- our desire to get appreciation and the importance of giving appreciation.
A recent example is Dave Cheong's 8 simple things to encourage others. 1. Show genuine interest. If you appreciate the other's effort, won't it be just natural to have interest in their result? And when you do have genuine interest is easier than hiding it. 2.Acknowledge what’s important to them. What's important to them is what they are spending effort on. If you appreciate their effort, it comes as natural to ackowledge it. 3.Say “Well done”. 4.Say “Thank you”. Two top phrases come to your mind when you appreiciate what they do. 5.Reciprocate the favour. That is the conventional meaning of appreciation. 6.Respond with something unexpected. When you have interest, respond to unexpected (within your interest) is almost emotional. 7. Ask for advice or confide in them. A natural action when you appreciate their results of effort. 8. Offer to lend a hand. An effort spend in what you were interested in.
So it boils down to: appreciate other's effort, which will give you the interest in other's work, which will lead to other actions that shows your interest and ultimately your appreciation.
It is not so simple actually, when you are not really appreciating others. Then you need fake your interest. Since the interest is faked, all the simple actions are not natural, thus or difficult to do.
Faked interests do have its positive effect. When you hear thank you, you feel encouraged. But actually, you feel encouraged by the interest and appreciation behind the "thank you". When that appreciation and interest is faked, there will be signs that tells it. After all, it is difficult to fake some actions (that against what one really feel), and it is impossible to fake all actions. In fact, faked interest wears off really quick.
It is very nice that our culture now has a convention of saying "thank you". But frankly, I hear "thank you" countless times a day, yet few of them really give me any feeling of encouragment.
To have genuine appreciation to others is very difficult. So to have that genuine interest in what is important to others is extrememly hard. And all the simple things you can do to encourage others is really difficult to acturally do, unless we contend with the level of saying "thank you" countless times a day, which I suspect it will have its power to encourage others at all.
Appreciation, that is so true. The next question is "How to have that appreciation (to others)?"
A recent example is Dave Cheong's 8 simple things to encourage others. 1. Show genuine interest. If you appreciate the other's effort, won't it be just natural to have interest in their result? And when you do have genuine interest is easier than hiding it. 2.Acknowledge what’s important to them. What's important to them is what they are spending effort on. If you appreciate their effort, it comes as natural to ackowledge it. 3.Say “Well done”. 4.Say “Thank you”. Two top phrases come to your mind when you appreiciate what they do. 5.Reciprocate the favour. That is the conventional meaning of appreciation. 6.Respond with something unexpected. When you have interest, respond to unexpected (within your interest) is almost emotional. 7. Ask for advice or confide in them. A natural action when you appreciate their results of effort. 8. Offer to lend a hand. An effort spend in what you were interested in.
So it boils down to: appreciate other's effort, which will give you the interest in other's work, which will lead to other actions that shows your interest and ultimately your appreciation.
It is not so simple actually, when you are not really appreciating others. Then you need fake your interest. Since the interest is faked, all the simple actions are not natural, thus or difficult to do.
Faked interests do have its positive effect. When you hear thank you, you feel encouraged. But actually, you feel encouraged by the interest and appreciation behind the "thank you". When that appreciation and interest is faked, there will be signs that tells it. After all, it is difficult to fake some actions (that against what one really feel), and it is impossible to fake all actions. In fact, faked interest wears off really quick.
It is very nice that our culture now has a convention of saying "thank you". But frankly, I hear "thank you" countless times a day, yet few of them really give me any feeling of encouragment.
To have genuine appreciation to others is very difficult. So to have that genuine interest in what is important to others is extrememly hard. And all the simple things you can do to encourage others is really difficult to acturally do, unless we contend with the level of saying "thank you" countless times a day, which I suspect it will have its power to encourage others at all.
Appreciation, that is so true. The next question is "How to have that appreciation (to others)?"
posted by Hui Zhou at 6:34 AM
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